Praise the pumpkin gods

I am the Pumpkin Queen. I have a bit of a love affair with all things pumpkin and have made it my goal to try as many pumpkin spice-related things this season and in all the autumns as long as I live. "There's nothing unique about that," you say. And you're right. It's not. But I'm not in the business of giving all that many fucks. So sit back and read and then get your ass out there and praise the pumpkin gods for these glorious gifts.